How honest is too honest?

So, I’ve been married just over a month now, and living with Mr. T for a month since our big fat Indian/Pakistani wedding. We’ve settled into a routine where we roll out of bed in the morning albeit very reluctantly as we both love our sleep and I make him breakfast and lunch, send him on his merry way and then catch a few zzzs until either my mum or one of my in-laws calls me to wake me up lol! The last few weekends have been busy hosting my parents and my in-laws, and I admit I haven’t taken care of myself at all, and got a little ill. God bless Mr. T as I think it was his first time looking after me when I felt poorly and he did a fantastic job alhamdulillah.

It’s been a bit of a surreal experience, and with people constantly asking me how is married life going, you have to wonder how honest is too honest? On the one hand I love being married to Mr. T and I am grateful for the incredibly welcoming family I married into. On the other hand, I miss my mum and dad. Especially my mum. Hearing her voice every day is not the same as being with her 24/7 though and it’s hard to put into words to people that whilst Mr. T and his family are doing their utmost to help me adjust to my new life, I still feel sad sometimes.

So, for the most part, I tell people married life is great alhamdulillah. I’m trying to adjust to a new place, new sights and sounds and to being on my own for most of the day. Even before we were married, I told Mr. T I wanted to take my time to find my place in our new home. I really do want to go back to work and am keen to find a job, but I am unpacking things emotionally and physically at my own pace and my husband bless his heart understands that. Other people just don’t.

For any person whether they’re 18 or not moving out of your family home is an experience that takes time to adjust to, and it takes time to figure things out on your own. It’s a sense of trying to adjust to a new place but knowing that whilst you are always welcome in your parents home, it is not your home any more, and that hurts more than I thought it did.

However, things are looking up alhamdulillah. I’m getting familiar with the surroundings, I’ve started going on little walks and one day soon inshallah I may even brave the tube! It’s all about baby steps and having an understanding partner to help you get settled into the next phase of your life.

How did you cope when you first moved out?

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10 thoughts on “How honest is too honest?

  1. Don’t worry, it is an adjustment in the beginning. I laughed when I read some of your post because I could totally relate. If I had a dollar for the amount of times Nouman and I shared a laugh when people asked us, “how’s married life?”… I am having doubts on my post-married life posts. Some people are too judgmental so share whatever is comfortable for you :)

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    • Shaza, your posts on what to pack when getting married were so HELPFUL and your morning after the wedding post was so reassuring! Thank you and please keep posting, I love reading them!

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  2. Congrats on your marriage! Settling in to a new place especially after a marriage is challenging. Just keep your head up and you will sail through it. I know what you mean about emotional unpacking, that is probably the hardest thing! Good luck with everything, girl!

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  3. if its any consolation, i cried like a baby secretly up to six months after being married because i missed my mom so so so much. Just recently i visited my parent’s place, and my dad kissed me on my cheek and i was ecstatic.

    In many ways you are lucky, since you are living alone with your husband. Living with in-laws, no matter how loving and caring they are, is tough. Adjusting to not just one person , but around three, four , five or more is even tougher.

    But don’t worry, everything takes a little time and then it will be all ok.

    love and hugs.

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  4. Aww. This is the first time you’ve moved away from home, right? Truth be told, I never did. But my parents did! So I don’t have any advice other than coping with being on your own. Get a job. Get out. The tube isn’t that bad. Just be wary of commuters like me lol! I would say, keep some part of your life and maintain your independence. It’ll keep you being interesting! I think just because you’re married, you shouldn’t lose your own identity. Still be you, but be a part of a “we” too.

    I spend a lot of time with my OH’s family these days! Even with him working in another country!

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  5. Ahh hun, I am hoping that as it is nearly 2 months since this post that you are starting to settle in.
    I have been married Alhamdulillah 2 years and 4 months.. and no matter how much I thought I was mentally prepared to move out… you just can’t be prepared enough.

    I still get upset when I spend time at my mums, but honestly it gets a little easier. The more time you spend in your own home with Mr T, the more you will miss it when you are not there. Where as when you are newly married you miss your old home as you just haven’t spend enough time in your new home. I hope that makes sense?

    Marriage is difficult but it is about how you get through it together, always voice how you feel with your husband. That is one thing I tell anyone who newly gets married, communication is key.

    May Allah give barakah in your marriage and make your relationship stronger while being guided on the right path together.
    Ameen x

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    • Jazakallah for your sound advice! I am settling in more alhamdulillah and trying to communicate my feelings, but it’s difficult because I am such a private person. Going home this week actually helped because I missed home and Mr. T when I went home to my parents. Thank you for your lovely dua. Ameen!

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